How to Help an Alcoholic and Avoid Codependency
When Alcohol Takes Over a Loved One - How Families Can Help Someone Addicted to Alcohol
Alcohol addiction is a problem that does not spare any society, age group, or social status. Although often perceived as an individual's personal struggle, it actually affects the entire family system. The most painful sight is watching alcohol consume someone we love – a partner, parent, sibling, or child. But what can a family do? How can they help an alcoholic find their way back? And does the effort of those around them have any effect?
It depends on when and how we intervene. The answer is: yes, the family can play a crucial role in the recovery of the addicted person. However, it is often not a straightforward, simple, or short journey. It requires patience, empathy, and firmly set boundaries.
Alcoholism as a Disease, Not a Moral Failure
One of the most widespread myths about alcoholism is that it is a matter of weak will or a moral problem. In reality, alcoholism is recognized as a chronic disease with biological, psychological, and social causes. The addicted person gradually loses awareness of the impacts of their behavior – their body develops a physical dependence on alcohol, and their brain chemically reacts to alcohol intake in a way that affects their ability to make rational decisions.
Rational appeals like "Why don't you just stop drinking?" usually have no effect. Addiction overrides the ability to see reality. And this is where the family can help – not by rescuing the addicted person, but by setting a mirror and creating space for change.
Helping an Alcoholic - What Works and What Doesn't
A big problem in families with an alcoholic is co-dependency – a situation where loved ones unknowingly maintain the addiction by excusing the addict's behavior, covering up their problems, or taking over their responsibilities. For example, a wife calls her husband's boss to excuse him from work due to "illness," even though she knows it was due to drunkenness. Or children spend their youth protecting their mother from an aggressive father and prefer not to ask questions.
Such behavior does not lead to recovery but prolongs the suffering of all involved.
Helping an alcoholic begins when their loved ones:
- Stop excusing their behavior
- Openly and without blame describe the impacts of their drinking
- Set clear boundaries (e.g., "If you're drunk again, I won't let you in the house.")
- Offer concrete help – such as accompanying them to a therapist or providing contact to a professional
- Seek support for themselves (e.g., groups for families of addicts like Al-Anon)
An example can be the story of Mrs. Jana, a mother of two. Her husband started drinking after losing his job. At first, she believed he could handle it on his own. Later, it became impossible to hide that the situation was out of control – arguments, outbursts of anger, unpaid bills. Jana turned to a therapist and learned that she couldn't solve her husband's addiction by herself, but she could protect herself and her children. She set boundaries, stopped covering for him, and after several months, he asked for professional help.
How Family Can Support Recovery
The key point is that the family's help should not be controlling but supportive and motivating. The addicted person must want change – but the family can help them reach this decision by showing the consequences of their behavior and offering solutions.
An important tool can be an intervention – a guided conversation where several family members gather to share their feelings, concerns, and expectations. Such a conversation should be conducted calmly, without shouting or blaming. The goal is not to force the addict but to open their eyes.
A sensitive but firm approach is crucial. As psychotherapist Jan Kulhánek, who specializes in working with families of addicts, says: "The family can be a safety net, but it must not be a net in which the addict comfortably swings. They need to feel that they can fall – and that it will hurt – otherwise, they will have no reason to change."
The family can also help with finding treatment. In the Czech Republic, there is a network of professional facilities – from addiction counseling centers to therapeutic communities and psychiatric hospitals. The key is to find an approach that matches the severity of the addiction and the patient's motivation. Outpatient therapy can help in the early stages, while more severe cases require hospitalization.
Don't Forget About Yourself
Caring for an alcoholic is exhausting – mentally, physically, and economically. Family members often suffer from anxiety, depression, or feelings of guilt. Long-term stress can lead to health problems. Therefore, it is important that the family also takes care of their own mental health.
Groups for relatives of addicts, such as Al-Anon or Nezávislí, offer a safe space for sharing experiences, understanding, and important mutual support. Psychotherapy, yoga, meditation, or spending time in nature also help gain perspective and inner balance.
Maintaining perspective is difficult when one faces lies, manipulation, or reproaches daily. But detachment may be what helps the family address the situation with greater clarity.
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Hope Is Not Naive
It may sound cliché, but it is true that change is possible. Many people who now live happy and sober lives started in a state of utter hopelessness. They often found their way out thanks to their family clearly showing them that they are loved – but that their sick behavior can no longer be tolerated.
The societal view on alcohol plays an important role as well. In Czech culture, drinking is often downplayed – "Everyone drinks," "Beer is medicine." This tolerance contributes to many people not seeing their consumption as a problem. That is why it is essential to speak openly, without moralizing, but with an emphasis on facts and personal experiences.
Public awareness, prevention, and destigmatization of addiction are as important as individual therapy. Education for a healthy lifestyle, support for mental health, and open interpersonal relationships can prevent many problems – including when someone turns to a bottle as an escape from reality.
Helping an alcoholic is not easy and does not always yield immediate results. But every word of support, every firmly set limit, every visit to a professional can be what changes a life. And sometimes, all it takes is one sincere question: "Do you really want to do something about it?"
